Leaving everything most loved
Join the adventure of the emotional journey of selling possessions, preparing to move abroad, and the excitement of starting anew in the Netherlands.
Today, I ugly cried when the stranger from Facebook marketplace took our dining room set away.
Crying?
Over a table and chairs?
I mean, they are lovely…
Some years ago, I had the good fortune to attend a day-long workshop on Jobs To Be Done theory, a fascinating framework by which the unseen reasons for how a person makes a decision can be brought to light. As part of that seminar, the facilitator shared a story of a real estate developer that specialized in homes for retirees who were interested in downsizing. They offered all the amenities that should have attracted their target customers but something wasn’t clicking.
Naturally, the JTBD framework was a perfect fit (how convenient!) for uncovering that the real reason people struggled to let go of their old family homes and downsize to a more modern and manageable one. It wasn’t the finishes or the size of the en-suite bathroom, it all came down to a dining room that was too small for the “family table.”
People couldn’t see themselves in a new life that couldn’t hold the surface from which all their meals were served. They couldn’t let go of the chairs that had been endlessly rearranged to make and remake the circle around which their nearest and dearest were invited to gather.
If you asked me to describe every table I’ve ever sat at, I would falter almost instantly. I can’t recall the first time I sat in a fancy and uncomfortable chair nor can I recall the last time I sat down around a table with either of my grandmothers. But I can remember how good it feels to have people around you, people who love you, those who are eager to share in your joys and your sorrows in equal measure.
As I watched William carefully help navigate the table through the doorway and out into the lightly falling snow, I teared up remembering buying the set in the first place. The tears flowed at the memories of my niblings building Legos and having tea parties. Rationally, I know that the table has no bearing on those memories. Simply having the wood and fabric doesn’t make those moments more precious and not having furniture in our dining room doesn’t mean I forget the special times.
But still, why was I crying over a table?
Because it drove home the stark realization that we are actually leaving the United States.
[record scratch]
This isn’t spur of the moment, we’ve been planning for a while but it is a big scary thing! Our home, our family, our friends…our lives are here. We have both been American citizens since birth and the idea of leaving feels near-impossible. So we allowed ourselves to try it on in a variety of colors and sizes.
We considered the Netherlands and Scotland after visiting both. Researching around the globe, William fell in love with Sweden and I got wrapped up in wanting to have a big plot of land somewhere in the hills of northern Spain. We did our best to learn a few words of Icelandic before we scouted it out and we scoured endless listings of derelict homes in Ireland…but we never settled on a plan that we started to implement.
When the results of the election were announced, all the uncertainty about what we wanted to do vanished in about 48 hours. At first, I felt numb and I was able to get through a whole day at work, thinking I might be able to soldier on and through another four years of it but instead of sleeping the next night, we poured our energy into any other option. In the matter of a few hours, we had much more than concepts of a plan and we will be landing in Rotterdam in a few weeks.
In the past fifty-odd days, we have secured housing abroad, applied for residency permits, dismantled our home, and gotten the cats’ vaccinations up to date. It’s been a whirlwind of activity and stress, every moment ratcheting the tension ever higher. Yet, in spite of all of that, neither William nor I have faltered from our resolve that this is what we want.
We don’t know what lies ahead, we don’t know whether things will be better or worse on the other side, but what we do know is that we have made the choice for our tomorrow. In the face of the uncertainty all around, we’ve placed our bets on a new future.
This is your invitation to join me on this adventure.
I plan to share my thoughts and feelings (moderately fictionalized) as William and I venture forth and as I attempt above all to dedicate myself to being a writer. I’m not asking anyone to pay for content off the bat (though an indie author can always use the support), because my intention is for this to be a place where my friends and family can follow along and where I can keep a living record of this (please, universe, please!) ONCE-in-a-lifetime transition Gillian and William set out for and settle into a new life in the Netherlands.
I don’t know what I’ll be putting here except that I will be posting at least weekly. If you’ll leave a comment about what you’re curious about, I’ll make a point to respond to it! I’m also really bad at partings, preferring to simply vanish and send a text later so, without further ado, T-16 days until goodbye America and hello Nederland!
PS. Please, please, please buy a copy of CALLED.
PPS. If you have one already and you liked it, please buy one for someone you know.
PPPS. If you have one already and you didn’t like it, please buy one for someone you abhor as they are likely to have better taste.
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