CALLED, Chapter 4
Buried Secrets, Forbidden Truths
Don’t miss a bit of the story:
What would you do if the answers you sought were too dangerous to know? When does secrecy protect, and when does it become another form of control?
Let’s explore the weight of secrets because the search for truth is universal.
JER-32-1297.A-E
Marya’s hands shook as she drained the last of the accelerant from another jug. Even with her head swirling from the terramalt, she knew the weathered old barn would catch fire quickly if she spread it along the perimeter. If she had helped them raze the walls and ceiling, no one would have any reason to look for anything under the foundation.
Would any of this make a difference?
She could see that the war against the Conglomerate was long lost.
What could one old woman do against all that power?
For that matter, what could one little girl do?
Marya had made a promise to keep Clem safe until the time came. Her father said she needed to grow up, but Marya suspected Jonas had planned to use the child somehow. As the solarii passed, Marya came to hate her oath and, even now, only kept it in part. She would keep Clem safe, but she would do whatever she could to see the time never came for whatever Jonas had in mind.
In the end, she chose her promise over breaking her own heart. Casting Clem out of their home had been the only choice then, just as destroying the farm was the only option now.
The only way to keep her safe is to make sure everything under this barn gets destroyed.
She tossed the empty container into a corner. With the perimeter soaked, she turned to the bundle she’d brought down from the house. Notching the basket into the crook of her elbow, she descended into the cellar. She hadn’t been down here in solarii. Without Clem to feed, she and Jeb subsisted on much less, making do with the meager crop of beans and grains they could still collect. From inside an old scarf, she withdrew the stack of notebooks that recorded their great experiment and set them on the shelf. She stroked the binding and looked up to the rafters where she had long ago hidden the pages she’d torn from them.
All of it seemed the work of another lifetime now.
Everything before Clem seemed foreign.
The child was a balm, soothing the burns and bruises of having to make their way into the Conglomerate world. Their little family couldn’t draw attention to itself, but they still had needs, and non-Conglomerate sources were more expensive. Somehow, despite all the obstacles, they had managed it. She and Jeb and Clem had been happy—a little family for more than a dozen solarii. Their life wasn’t opulent, but their joy greatly outweighed their miseries.
Marya had always wanted to be a mother, and when Clem came along, she leapt at the chance. That baby girl had been her lifeline, tethering her in a world she struggled to understand. Clem and Jeb were the roots she needed, a safe haven from the wildness of her fears. Jeb held her up when Clem left, but now he, too, was gone. He rarely strayed from her side…which is why Marya suspected that his death was no accident at all.
Jeb promised he wouldn’t tell Clem anything but why else would he leave the farm.
What other secrets had he been keeping?
Marya’s stomach turned at the sight of some long-forgotten potatoes. She knew herself to be paranoid, but this felt more certain than her usual anxious thinking. The old fears were surfacing again.
As a young woman, she had a bright future: admission to a prestigious Souvern Republic University, a promising career. Biotechnology captivated her mind; she was excited by the potential for technology to challenge the boundaries of the known universe.
Jonas was unlike anyone she had ever known. He seemed touched by greatness, bigger himself than the sum of everyone else together. His instincts were impeccable, on hand to give the smallest little nudge to make an ordinary effort more successful. He was a beam of light and being in his circle had been intoxicating. As their work grew more esoteric—chasing the mythical mathematics that underlie reality—Marya was the first to see the danger. Jonas was poking at the foundations of the universe, bending the boundaries of knowledge so far that they might break them rather than chart a new horizon.
Danger seems exciting at first, the brilliance of its allure drawing moths with ease.
That was why she left NovaGen.
Jeb chose her over the work, something she hadn’t expected. She couldn't have done it without him. His skills were different from hers. He could access, become invisible within, or change any system without being detected. He secured the land exception for them. He built the bolt holes when she grew scared of visitors. He calmed her when she wound herself up. When he turned up at her door with his possessions, he told her she was one thing he couldn't live without.
He never strayed from her side for the rest of his life.
Until the sol he died.
When he went on one final bloody errand for Jonas.
And look what had happened.
She wiped tears from her eyes, flinging them away along with the sad thoughts.
Jeb was gone, and she was alone at the end.
The loss of him felt sure to carve her heart from her chest, but there was no denying the truth of the matter: the Conglomerate would be here for the farm the next sol. The terms of the exception were clear.
She’d start the fire in the house. It wouldn’t defy explanation for the barn to burn alongside it. The weather of her youth was long gone, but the Exurb was still plenty windy. Instead of bringing the rains of rebirth, it only stung your eyes. She dragged another accelerant container to the collection of pathetic dried stalks that passed for hay in Jericho. She gathered the grasses into her basket, dousing them in the incendiary fluid. She exited the barn and laid them out in a gently sloping curve leading toward the house.
The Conglomerate was cheap, and they would use the foundation rather than laying another. They needed the Exurbs full of citizens capable of the grunt labor they competed against one another to secure. Routinely suspected of minor transgressions, there was always a whisper of suspicion. On the rare occasions Marya saw one of their neighbors, she knew they’d just as soon sell her out to the Guardians as wave at her. Without guaranteeing the basic comforts of life, Exurbers were easily manipulated…especially if they thought they could gain an advantage. They craved exclusivity and status, clamoring for benefits and exchanging their lives for them without question.
The same way Clementine had done.
Her little girl, lost in the sea of minds powering the Conglomerate's surveillance network. If they hadn't found her so far, Marya could still ensure they never would. Clem would stay safe and not be sacrificed in the unwinnable war to redeem the world. She might always be in danger, but she could at least remain safe behind a veil of ignorance.
The sudden flash of the perimeter alarm roused Marya; she’d been so focused on her work that she had let down her guard completely.
* * *
My knock echoed in the stillness. I removed my gloves and face covering and lowered my hood. After a few moments, the glow of a torch came closer until I could see Marya’s face glowing in the darkness. Her usually smooth hair was wild, her kind eyes were full of panic, and her body visibly weakened by so many solarii of hard living.
She threw open the door and pulled me inside.
“What are you doing here?” she screeched, tossing me against the parlor wall. Her glare pierced me as she threw herself against the door, locking it again.
“I heard about Jeb.”
“Oh, honey, you can’t be here! How did you travel? Have they tracked you?”
Weathered though she may have been, Marya wasn’t stooped or frail like Jeb. Her eyes were sunken, her hair was limp, and her lips dry.
“I took the Expressway to 31-2, but I used scrip, not my identity. I had my face covered, too.”
“Do you have any of their tech on you?” She eyed me, suspicious.
“I left everything back in the Junction.”
“So, they have no idea where Clem has gone since she got to the Junction?”
“They have no idea there's a Clementine at all.” I broke away from the entryway and started down the hallway. She started at my movement, bustling past me and through the kitchen door.
“So, who are you if you’re not you anymore then?”
“My Conglomerate name is River Mason.”
“Funny, that almost suits you.” She disappeared into the kitchen, clearing something off the table into her apron as I entered the room. “How did you manage that?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“It’s already done. May as well tell me about it now.”
She held up a second glass and the bottle of terramalt. Things had clearly changed if she was offering me a drink. I shook my head but pulled out a chair and sat.
“You used to tell me everything…”
“I felt bad enough sneaking behind your back, and you had always told me to keep out of sight, so I lied about my name.”
Her eyes warmed, and, for a moment, I could have been a child again. She took the chair next to me. I had missed her smile so much yet seeing it again, as with Jeb, only showed me how much time had been lost between us. Her face was harder, her eyes more deeply-set.
“And where is River Mason meant to be?”
“She is from 31, so I walked in that direction, but instead of crossing the park, I ducked down to the path of the old river.”
“I should have known when you volunteered to work back there, but I was so grateful to have the stress off of Jeb…and then…” She sighed, “Well, now that you've come, let me look at you.” She stroked my cheek.
Hoping to avoid a fight, I’d plugged my ports, but I still nervously tried to make sure my hair fully covered them.
“You've grown into a beautiful woman, Clem. You look so much like your mother now. When you were a baby, all I could see was your father's face, but I knew she was in there somewhere.”
I blushed and smiled.
The moment between us ebbed, then broke.
She closed her eyes and looked at the ceiling before speaking in a deeper voice, “You should not have come.”
“But I couldn’t not—” In my surprise, I almost missed the look in her eyes.
“Coming here only puts you in danger. It won’t bring Jeb back. An old man missed a step on the Expressway, and he was mangled by one of those feral contraptions they use to transport people.”
“Do you know why he was on the Expressway at all?”
“He said there was a problem with the farm's account. I never paid attention to any of that. He managed everything to do with…them.”
“He came to see me.”
She raged quietly for a moment before a look of terror spread across her face. “What changed? Why would he go to see you? Why now? Did you contact him?” With each question, she grew more pointed and frantic.
“I sent some scrip by drone,” I said quickly, seeing it now as folly rather than beneficence.
“Oh, you sweet creature…” Her eyes welled with tears. “All that goodness in you.” She closed her eyes before throwing her head back and shaking her fist at the ceiling. “Well, I hope they’re happy, the pair of them! Damned blasted old fools.”
She sighed, defeated.
I reached for the bottle and poured her a small measure more, nudging the glass toward her. Without opening her eyes, she reached for the glass and raised it to her lips, smacking them as the alcohol irritated her broken skin.
“If your father and Jeb weren’t dead, I could kill them both with my bare hands. Seems the Conglomerate has taken care of that for me, though, haven’t they?”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
She put the empty glass back on the table and took my hands. “Honey, you weren't to know. We never told you about any of it, why we made you stay hidden the way we did. And now it is too late.”
“It doesn’t have to be. I’m here. What is it I need to know? Gramma, what is going on?”
“Hear me now, child, stop asking those questions. Whatever Jeb told you, let it die with him. I loved that man with every fiber of my being. I thought we understood what we were doing when we took you in. I thought we agreed on everything. In the end, I see he kept his promise to someone else and has left me behind to clean up.”
Her words started coming faster, tumbling out of her mouth like her mind raced faster than she could keep up.
“Clem, remember how I said that giving yourself to the Conglomerate was dangerous? You probably thought me a crazy old lady clinging to a world gone by, didn't you? I wouldn't be surprised if you had. I'm sure I sounded like one. Your generation didn't know the world before the Conglomerate. It wasn't the way they teach you in their schools, you know that, right?”
“I know, Gramma. You made me learn all about it here, on paper.”
“I hope you retained some of it, too! They didn't wash it all out of your brain?”
I grinned again. “No, it’s all still in there, I promise.”
“Good, that’ll have to do then.” She patted my hands once again before releasing them. “The Conglomerate isn’t the panacea they would have you believe it is. All their claptrap about saving people and improving their lives is a poisonous pack of lies.”
“You don't think you sound paranoid? The Conglomerate took me off your hands. They gave me tools, taught me skills, and helped me succeed. Can't you be proud of me? I have a good life now and I did that all by myself.”
She was quiet for a moment, studying me. “Of course you did. You are incredible, my Clem. You were meant for so much more we could give you out here…but here is where you ended up.”
Tears began streaming down her face. I pushed my chair back and knelt next to her. I wrapped my arms around her waist while she stroked my hair. “I cannot do this to you; don't ask me to. I lost you once; I can't bear to do so again.”
“Gramma, I am here. I've come back, and you don't have to lose me again.”
Her hands left my hair, and a panic returned to her voice. “Oh no, you can’t stay here! Child, even I can’t stay here. With Jeb gone, they’ll be here to reclaim the land by first light.”
“What are you going to do? Will you come to the Citadel with me?” I looked up, hopeful but was crushed by what I saw in her eyes.
“I can’t be seen anywhere near you. Don’t worry, sweetheart, I will be fine. I promise.” She pulled out of my embrace and rose.
This is one of those moments when I am supposed to have a big emotion, I can just tell, but somehow, I remained rooted to the floor.
“Gramma, why can’t you explain what is going on?”
She ignored me, focused on rifling through her little metal box of recipe cards. They're so ancient and practically illegible, but she always treasured them. I couldn't discern any words from her muttering until she found what she wanted and turned back to me.
“I know you think you want those answers, Clem, but you really don’t. The questions you’re asking have dangerous answers. After what they’ve done to your parents and Jeb, don’t you see that asking about all of it will only put you in harm’s way? You don’t have to believe the same things I do about the Conglomerate, but you do need to protect yourself. There’s plenty I don’t understand about how this world works, but there is one thing I know: if you go looking for trouble, you will find it. Promise me that you will leave all of it be.”
“But how can I stay away from something I don’t know about?”
“The moment you became River whoever, you were lost to us. We had to keep the Conglomerate from finding out about Clementine. Once you were someone else, you couldn't be tied to this farm. It isn't safe.” She handed me what she’d taken from the recipe box. “I’ve already said all I am willing to say in this. I didn’t think it would find you, but I have been surprised again. Oh no, don't look at it now. You need to get going. I don't know when, but I'm sure the last transit toward the center has to be soon, and you have to get out of 31-2.”
I turned back towards the rest of the house, aching to sit in the parlor and see Jeb's chair. “I used a septad’s worth of leave. I thought—”
“No!” she blurted out before regaining herself. “Clem, no. Weren't you listening? They cannot connect the two of us.” She put an arm around my shoulder and smoothed my hair as another flash of panic crossed her eyes. I opened my mouth to speak, but she touched my lips. “I will be fine. You go back to Jericho as quickly as you can! Don't let them see you coming from this direction.”
With her arm around me, she guided me away from the house and towards the back door. I resisted, and she stopped, cupping my chin in her palm, and looking deep into my eyes.
“My darling girl, I love you more than anything in this world, but you cannot come back here. Do you hear me? They don't know right now, but once they do…” She let go of my chin and shooed me closer to the door. “They will be looking for anyone connected to this farm, and if they figure out that you aren't who they think you are. Clem, I know this must hurt, but I am doing it…because I love you,” her voice broke.
“How can you do this? Surely, we need one another right now.”
“I am so very sorry, sweetheart, but this… this really is for the best.”
The moment I passed the doorway's threshold; she closed it behind me.
“Run, girl. Don’t linger!”
Unceremoniously thrown out of my home for the second time, I was struck by a powerful wave of emotion.
It wasn’t sorrow or sadness, it was anger, pure and red-hot.
Marya didn’t want me anywhere near my home.
Fine!
I will get as far from this farm as I can. I turned on my heel and stomped towards the riverbed, seething. I retrieved my ID and crossed the other side without really deciding to. When I climbed into the park, it looked like I had just crossed the bridge from 31 and not 32.
31-2 Station was crowded with returners from Jericho and the Suburbs. Exurbers commute, but by this time, the car headed into the Citadel was mostly deserted. I curled up in a corner and sent my mind to focus on anything but recounting the last few chrons. My brain replayed every variation of the title sequence from The Valtarans until we reached Ward 7.
I trudged back into my unit and downed a full tab of Zonk.
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