The Trad Author
A Manifesto on the Craft of Writing in the Digital Age
Salve amici, trad author Rowan Wilder here to tell you that if you’re not writing the right way, you’re doing it all wrong!
I’m coming to you live on TikTok tonight to address the scandal arising out of last week’s meeting of the Walden Society for Traditional Authorship. I know you are all eager to hear more about the fireworks that erupted between me and our former secretary Lowell Morrow. As the founder and president of the Society, I’m used to standing up for what’s right and, despite the fires of controversy he is trying to stoke online, the decision to eject Mr. Morrow from our quorum was entirely justified by our bylaws—of which he was a ratifying member. I will be diving into exactly what transpired shortly, but first, I would be remiss if I didn’t share an update on the progress of my book!
As of yesterday, Amazon has begun accepting preorders for Tradition Bound, my debut romance novel. Packed with Carolina Reaper-level spice and trigger warnings of lack of consent and heavy bondage, it tells the story of Isadora Lockwood, a quote-unquote writer with a quote-unquote best-selling novel, whose publicity tour grinds to a halt when her car breaks down. Stranded in the sleepy town of Concord, she meets Augustus Ashmole—a traditional author—who shows her a whole lot more than the ropes of proper writing, if you know what I mean! Reserve your copy now; I expect to have them ready for shipment in the next six to eight months.
Sorry, hold on one second. The ring light needs adjusting…humph, ugh…okay, the dang thing keeps slipping. Alexa, remind me to order a new clamp for my ring light. There, I think…yeah, that’s better…okay, now where was I?
Listen, I know half a year sounds like a long time to wait, but think how I feel? I’ve been a trad author for over a year now, but writing and publishing a book takes a lot of work, especially when you’re committed to doing it properly. I’ve got the whole story up here in my mind, of course; I just haven’t gotten more than twelve pages written out because being a real author requires so much more than people understand. If I were lazy, I could type it out on a laptop, sure, or I could pretend I’m being faithful to the craft and use a typewriter or something, but Rowan Wilder is neither lazy, nor does he pretend.
Way too many so-called writers take shortcuts that cheapen the most hallowed of art forms, but the members of the Walden Society refuse to allow the sacred act of writing to be polluted by modern convenience. I founded the Society because of my concerns over the destruction of traditional authorial values—learn more about what the Society stands for on our website waldensocietyfortraditionalauthorship.org. Some of the haters out there have called it an extremist manifesto, but we view it as a covenant, binding together a group of dedicated craftsmen who believe in writing with integrity…and ostracizing those who don’t. We’re the spit and image of old school authenticity; join our Facebook group where you’ll find all the resources you need to help you be a real author and not another sad-sack word-processing hack!
Before I discuss the events of the Walden Society for Traditional Authorship’s recent meeting, I need a moment to express my disgust in YouTube’s alleged content moderation policies. Over the past fortnight, I’ve tried in vain to appeal the decision to remove my video on ritual goat sacrifice for bookmaking. I spent a whole weekend filming my offering to the creative gods in painstaking detail, only to find that it violates their terms of service? It’s the very epitome of hypocrisy: they seem to have no problem with CGI violence and AI deep-fakes! If you ask me, they’re censoring true artistry to sell ads, and I’m calling on all trad authors to join me in boycotting YouTube until they come to their senses.
If you’re interested in watching the ceremonial butchery and skinning of my caprine oblation Huey, become a paid subscriber on Patreon—check my Linktree for details. The $99 annual membership fee is well-worth it for that video alone; the production value of the ceremony is insane if I do say so myself…and I do! As far as the process of making the leather for book covers goes, I’m not too proud to admit that I had a bit of trouble getting the hide stretched at first, but the tanning and drying turned out really well. At least the noble Huey didn’t die for nothing, his carcass yielded enough to cover three books, and I’ll be able to get started on those just as soon as I have pressed enough pages to finish writing out the first copy.
Oh, look! Franklin Prescott’s joined—thank you for dropping in, Mr. Treasurer. A founding member of the Society, he is hard at work on the first of nine novels in his high fantasy series, The Ætherian Legends of the Lost Dominion of Dragons and Wine. I got a sneak peek at the opening six pages of the first book, On the Wings of Prophecy Comes the Sacred Cauldron, and, let me tell you, we are in for a treat when he’s got the remaining twelve hundred pages completed!
Speaking of, if you want to learn how to make your own paper, I’m running a series of workshops on Zoom all summer. There’s a Calendly link on my website to register and I accept major credit cards including Discover, PayPal, and Bitcoin to cover the $50 session fee. Each 45-minute workshop is barely enough time to scratche the surface of the technique. From my own experience, it takes a while to really get the hang of the process—but remember, practice makes perfect and it’s not real writing if you don’t do every bit of it from start to finish!
Since most stores cater to writers who don’t uphold the honor of their craft, I’ve put together a starter kit of all my favorite materials, available in my Amazon store. Use the discount code TRADITIONAL to save 10% on your order and Prime members, of course, always get free shipping. For the low price of $124.95, you’ll receive an artisan pulp beater, aluminum water basin, two wood frames with mesh screens, four pressing boards, eight felt sheets, six sponges, and enough sawdust for approximately ten sheets of standard size paper.
Once you’ve made yourself something to write on, the next thing any self-respecting author needs is something to write with. Having a host of quills on hand is paramount because no matter how well you press it, the surface of wood-pulp paper is always a bit rough. I find myself going through my calami rather quickly, but my most recent nib lasted for three whole pages thanks to the excellent lot of swan feathers I scored on eBay—Franklin, I did manage to outbid Louise Caldwell!
Remember, a writer is only as good as the tools they use, and who cares about the words if you don’t commit them onto self-made paper with your own hand-carved writing implement? If you’re serious about being an author, you don’t cut corners…even if you lose a bit of your fingertip in the process. By the way, the cut on my thumb from the quill knife is healing nicely and the doctor says I can take the stitches out next week.
Plume in hand, you can’t start writing until you’ve filled your inkwell…literally. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve seen all the updates I’ve posted on my own ink-making journey. If you’re not following tradauthorrowan—the same on all platforms—you’re missing valuable insights into the life of the only true kind of writer: a traditional one. If you’re new to the process of making ink, don’t be fooled; burning the wood chips to make the charcoal is the easy part. Getting the balance of the slurry just right takes a fair amount of practice, especially if you refuse to cheat using ready-made binding agents. I’m getting the hang of it after several batches and the first ten pages of the book look great, wouldn’t you say? I mean, just look at that strong color, and no smearing!
Shit, I guess my hands must be wet or something—oh man, it’s in the bandage now. Dammit, that’s a shame, but if being a real writer were easy, anyone could do it and uncompromisingly high-standards are what separate the wheat from the chaff! Alexa, remind me to rewrite page four after I get these stitches out. For now I’ll just…ugh…cover these…pages with a little more sand…humph…so the ink sets properly. There. I can redo the dressing on my thumb later. By the by, I was planning to offer ink-making workshops this summer, but apparently Amazon has some bogus rule about not selling hand-packed gum arabica so I can’t list the kits on my storefront. Anybody have experience with Etsy? It’s not as convenient for me as shipping through Amazon is, but would people buy them there?
On the subject of ink, it is, at long last, time to discuss the events of last Tuesday evening’s Walden Society meeting and the subsequent virtual fisticuffs between myself and Lowell Morrow. As you well know, we trad authors consider the craft of writing sacred and refuse to accept any modern shortcuts in our work. Social media and online marketing are one thing—necessary evils—but the act of writing itself simply cannot be done with anything but the purest of materials. Membership in the Walden Society represents an unwavering commitment to reject any of the technologies that befoul our craft. As defenders of the honorable art of the scribe, it is also our solemn duty to castigate those who debase themselves and the form we hold dear. To that end, you will now find Mr. Morrow’s name on the Society’s list of problematic people purporting themselves to be authors—bah!
In a pitiable attempt at deflecting his shame, Lowell would have you believe it was an innocent mistake; however, the evidence speaks for itself. When he logged onto our Discord server for the monthly meeting, what did we see in the background? Bottles of Windsor & Newton India ink in a spectrum of colors lining the windowsill, that’s what! Even if they were gifts from a well-meaning relative as he claims, the Society has a zero-tolerance policy and there is no excuse for blasphemy. Merely having the mass-produced dreck in his possession was an infraction severe enough to relieve him of his post, but his subsequent descent into name-calling led to his ejection from the Society entirely.
Since his impeachment and banning, Lowell has launched vitriolic tirades on X and Bluesky, attempting to besmirch both me and the Walden Society of Traditional Authorship as a whole. He may think calling us archaic and exclusionary is damning or hurtful, but the remaining three members and I see those terms as badges of honor. Lowell Morrow’s actions are pathetic, highlighting nothing more than his own weaknesses and failures in both ethics and craftsmanship. I think that’s really all there is to say about that…oh, except that there’s now a vacant seat at the Round Table. I posted an application form on the Society website if you’d like to join our ranks and be considered as his replacement.
The hard truth of the matter is that the art of writing isn’t about having good story ideas and expressing them using words; it’s about dedication to the standards you set for yourself and enforcing them upon the work of others. Writing is about the painstaking labor of your own two hands, not taking the easy way out. You can’t call yourself a writer if all you do is type into a laptop or use industrially-formulated ink and factory-pressed paper. It takes more than a few visits to a coffeehouse to make an author, believe you me. Real art is about sacrifice—just take a look at this finger! I have and will continue to bleed for my art; what has Lowell Morrow done besides cheat himself and cheapen the work the rest of us hold dear? Whatever he does in the future, rest assured it won’t be real writing since Mr. Morrow clearly does not respect himself or others enough to go about doing things properly.
Shoot, look at the time, I’d better wrap it up. I got an email about some good prices on goats over on OpenHerd and I’m ready to order another—a big thanks to those who donated to my Kickstarter campaign. I’m going to need a lot more leather to cover all the copies of Tradition Bound you’re going to preorder. Since we will be boycotting YouTube for a little while, perhaps I’ll conduct the next ritual sacrifice live on Patreon. All my paid subscribers can vote on what to name the goat and I’ll reveal the name during the rite itself!
Remember, if you’re serious about being a writer, you don’t want to debase yourself or the process by compromising on the way you go about it. It’s easy to lose your way out there and true authors like me are here to help show you how to do master the craft with integrity—all it takes is your own two hands, a feather, and a pile of wood shavings. Be sure to check out the Society’s website for the current list of problematics so you know who to avoid. As they say, a sinking tide lowers all boats.
Thanks for joining me tonight and don’t forget follow at tradauthorrowan on all socials to stay up to date on the life of a real writer. Like, comment, and share my content to show you, too, stand against anything but pure, traditional authorship. Vale amici et memento: non digitalis!
Will you allow others the freedom to create as inspiration moves them, or do you insist that your own personal standards govern their work as well?
The critical distinction between respecting someone’s personal beliefs and encouraging prejudice is willfully bulldozed by those who will dictate which forms of expression are correct, as though creation were a commodity rather than a wild, insubordinate force.
Thank you for reading! Wanderlust & Wordplay offers a blend of humorous expat memoir 🌍, serialized mystery fiction ✍️, and dystopian sci-fi 🧬
Real writers don't need to know how to make ink... they dip the quill pen in their newly opened veins and write with their own blood... except horror writers, they can use whoever's blood they can catch.
Absolutely brilliant!
I honestly almost replaced all my book covers with plain black and white courier font text, but I see now that only lumpy paper with smudged ink will do. I'll post the photos later.