⏰ Six Months in the Middle
Reflections on Leaving, Arriving, and Becoming
How has your life changed in the last six months? 🗓️
🌍 Share your reflections—I’ll go first!
If you can believe it, it’s been six months since we left the United States on a cold Friday before the new regime’s inauguration. Since then, we’ve faced obstacles, language barriers, and plenty of unknowns, and yet we are loving the experience. Moving to a foreign country is not easy, but expecting challenges is key to making the best of it. Though the Netherlands isn’t perfect, our attempt at building a new life here has been incredibly successful thus far.
To commemorate this milestone, I’m doing a frank assessment of William and my progress toward becoming less foreign in this foreign land. When I was a people manager, I didn’t dread when it came time for performance reviews. I worked hard to build up my team, had some real successes, and learned invaluable lessons through coaching conversations and the annual cycle. Finding time in my schedule to write them on the other hand…
🗣️ Verbal Skills: Learning the Language
Six months in, William and I can say a lot more than “hello” and “thank you,” but we still get lost when Dutch speakers dive into their quick, mashed-together style. We’ve watched TV and movies in our new taal, but in the real world it’s like jumping onto a moving train…and there are no subtitles. I hear Nederlanders enunciate more in the north, but in this society, efficiency is king: if breath can be saved, it absolutely will. They routinely take two words and sandwich them together—after all, who doesn’t love a broodje…or better yet, a tosti?
We’ve both studied with a private tutor, logged hours on the apps, and continue to make an effort to initiate conversations with locals. I won’t lie, I spent more time on the apps before leaving America, because Dutch made sense to me. That gave me a solid foundation, but people don’t often speak at length about the colors of different animals or which of the children wants to throw the ball. I have a lot of vocabulary, and I still aim too high and lofty with my sentence construction—especially for someone barely trained in the rules of Dutch grammar. When I stick to the basics, I’m okay…until they start speaking a kilometer a second.
To improve, I registered with a volunteer program that pairs immigrants with locals. I was told to expect a long wait, but because I’m so interesting I was matched very quickly. It has been an awesome gift to spend time with a native speaker as I stumble through. Sometimes we go to museums, sometimes we linger over koffie (her) and munt thee (me). Recently, she invited me on a walking tour of the summer sculpture exhibition along Lange Voorhout. I’m proud to say I understood about 80% of what the famous sculptor said—an unexpected win that we celebrated with a biertje and some bitterballen on the sponsoring gallery’s terras.
🤝 Social Skills: Dutch Integration
We more or less fled the US, finally committing to the process in early November of last year. We were lucky enough to work with an excellent immigration attorney and received approval for a two-year visa before we left America. Unsure exactly where we wanted to live, I booked us a long stay in a small apartment in Rotterdam, the country’s second-largest city. I know
understands what I mean when I say it looked airier online. It wasn’t nearly enough space for two adults and two cats who were used to a three-bedroom home, and it smelled like burnt hair and cigarettes.
Our first hurdle was getting housing, cell service, and banking—followed by registering with the municipality. The Dutch rental market is bustling but feels familiar compared to what we faced in the US. Getting established is the worst chicken-and-egg setup: trying to get a rental is easier with a bank account and a local phone number, but those are both easier to get with a home address.
After some ups and downs, we lucked out with our place in Den Haag. Our new home is safe and cozy, and we truly love this city. Close to the sea, we can leave the windows open to catch the breeze and listen to the comedy club of seagulls day and night. Our plants are thriving like none we’ve ever had, and the cats have plenty of space to sprawl and nap. We have been shy with the neighbors—our norm wherever we've lived—and that’s something we aim to improve.
We have made some excellent new friends (I count myself lucky to know you,
), gotten Museumkaarts, and explored bits of the country by rail. I just recently took a job at a bookstore in Centraal Station—think more Hudson News than over-stuffed shelves with that delicious smell that makes me think of . In exchange for mopping floors, straightening displays, and restocking pens and candles, I get practice at being part of life in the Netherlands…though I am terrified to operate the lottery machine and there’s no translate button on the kassa.Some might find it less impressive than being a product manager for an educational software company, but the Dutch don’t treat me as lesser-than. Perhaps that’s my own American-trained brain assessing the relative worth of a person by what they do to earn money? Interviewing, signing an employment contract, and completing online training gave me a crash course in vocabulary I’d never learned from DuoLingo. I’ve even dusted off my gift-wrapping skills, since it’s common to be asked to wrap a book or candle for someone en route to visit family or friends.
What a novel idea...
✍️ Business Skills: Being a Writer
I was a week and 25,000 words into the first draft of my next novel when I was offered the job at the train station. It is only three days a week so I have time to keep writing, but it forces me to be more intentional with the time. When I have the whole week free to follow my passions, it’s a lot easier to procrastinate. Writing this post in an afternoon is a good sign that I still do better at balancing when I have less flexibility in exactly when I can sit and write.
I released my second book, TAUGHT, the sequel to CALLED, in April. I did sell a few copies, but gave away many more. I loved writing both books and will finish FED, though it keeps getting pushed aside by other projects…and now the new job. Sad as it is to admit, now is also not the easiest point in time to try selling dystopian sci-fi novels about an evil megalomaniac running a country like a corporation. 🤷🏼♂️
Still, I’ve written a LOT since we’ve been here. In high school, Mr. Finnegan’s advanced writing seminar taught us the anecdote, persuasive essay, and more—each with its own form and flair. I’ve been revisiting those exercises and honing my skills in writing different styles. I also have to shout out my fellow Substack creators who build community with shared writing prompts (looking at you,
).📊 Quantitative Skills: The Real Numbers
To stay aboveboard, I registered Gillian Fletcher Books as a sole proprietorship in the Netherlands. That meant dissolving my US-based LLC and asking William to help me with all the paperwork (it pays to be married to a business coach). This meant redoing all of the finances and particulars of book distribution—twice.
I also had to suspend paid Substack subscriptions during the transition. Combined with contest fees and the admin costs of registering and operating a Dutch company means I’ve earned less than zero over the past few months. I am not complaining, but I assuredly know my worth is more than nothing. Indie authorship and paid writing is a tricky business in any market, but even more so now; however, part of our viability as long-term residents is tied to having an income and paying taxes…so the train station it is!
My writing space is in the basement but two stories above, William is hard at work on his own dream. His business is the lynchpin for our visa and it’s been awesome to watch him go for it. If you’re looking for coaching, he’s the guy. Maybe you’d prefer to join a collaborative space with other entrepreneurs—he’s got that too. But most importantly, my husband is painting again. Take a look at Disruptive Cheerleader Productions and see what he has been up to!
As an alternate venture, I’m prepping to launch a storefront featuring cheeky, queer-themed prints, cards, and apparel. Dutch culture is beautifully open and tolerant, and the attitude toward sexual liberation is refreshing—not to mention inspiring. The Amsterdam boat parade had the whole city out and celebrating in a way that moved me to tears. I also love playing around with Procreate on my iPad where I do all the art for my Substack pieces. Using public domain images, I think I’ve made some pretty sweet looking stuff…and here’s hoping I see it on some folks at next year’s World Pride in Amsterdam.
Though not yet ready for prime time, here’s a sneak peek:
🪞 Self-Awareness: Asking for Help
I have every intention to keep writing here, but I’m easing the pressure on myself to deliver as often. Like a movie theater—I’ve got multiple things showing, and it’s up to you to pick what you want to see. You can sign up for everything and you’ll get new work weekly, but you can also get fewer emails a month by tailoring your subscription to your taste. Instead of limiting myself, I’m asking you to make the decision about what’s best for you.
If you enjoy immigrant reflections, sign up for Immigrant Hagelslag. If a cozy magical realist mystery is your vibe, check out The Lost & Foundry. Beyond that, I’ve got short fiction, dystopian sci-fi, and my personal favorite: playlists. Substack makes it easy for you choose your mix. Just open this post in a web browser and click your avatar to select the newsletters that suit you.
As a final favor, I’d also like to ask for your opinion about where I should consider monetizing in the future. Would you go so far as to click one of the options below and help me learn what excites you most?
🌿 In Between: A Sculptural Closing
The most memorable sculpture on my recent walking tour looked like a hybrid between an obelisk and a surfboard. On the southwest end of the long tree-lined street, it faces Paleis Kneuterdijk. One side is mirrored and convex, stretching the background into a distorted blur meant to represent the past. The obverse is burnished with leaves and vines and represents the unknowable future. Our gids explained it’s meant to remind us that we’re always in between: ever-present, and moving along.
My Dutch employment contract begins with a trying out period. If it’s not the right fit for either side at the end of that time—no hard feelings. Sixth months into the immigrant journey, it has been exhausting and exhilarating: highs, lows, and a constant sense of tiptoeing toward a blurry horizon. Still, I’m convinced we made the right choice and we hope to remain beyond these two years. Life here may look different, but it is starting to feel like home.
Thank you for being coming along, I love sharing this journey with you.
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I’m so curious what the Dutch think of America and our buffoonery.
haha I totally relate to aiming too high with my sentence construction-- sometimes I'll start a complicated story and halfway through just half to give up. How cool you have a job! That will be great for immersion and I'm sure you'll get good material for writing as well. looking forward to reading more